


Downcast

by josephina_x



Series: Sufficiently Advanced Magic is Indistinguishable from Science [6]
Category: Smallville
Genre: (Clark's in trouble), (and that would be Clark mainly), Gen, Imprisonment, Magic, Science, Somebody Is Wrong, Somebody's In Trouble, Wrongful Imprisonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 15:17:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1515194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josephina_x/pseuds/josephina_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things, you just can't escape from, no matter how far away you run. ...Or <i>can't</i> run. Especially when contradictions abound.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Downcast

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Downcast  
> Author: [josephina_x](http://josephina-x.livejournal.com)  
> Fandom: Smallville  
> Pairing: Clark, Lex  
> Rating: PG-13 (R, if you worry about swearing)  
> Spoilers: an AU that diverges during the season 7 finale; most everything before that is the same, excepting the one "factoid" that I've changed  
> Word count: 3000+  
> Summary: Some things, you just can't escape from, no matter how far away you run. ...Or _can't_ run. Especially when contradictions abound.  
>  Warnings: Un-beta'd.  
> Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.  
> Comments: Yes, please! :)  
> Author's Note: Fourth in the series, _Sufficiently Advanced Magic_. [Plays with an old trope.](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Familiar) (Couldn't help myself; the idea's just come up a couple times recently in a roundabout way. I've been reading sci-fi/fantasy short story anthologies lately; my brain pops out weird things when I do that.) Part 6 overall.
> 
> I know guys -- what the hell, right? I've got at least 10K of The Three Of Us just waiting for an edit-and-post, and I jump off to the side and finish writing this one? ...Yeah, yeah. Couldn't help it. Apparently my 'mood' affects my writing (and what I can or want to write) even more than I thought it did (which is just craziness, right there, then, because the bar was already pretty darn high). Anyway, here's this for now. Cheers.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Clark was running away and breathing hard. But he couldn't run from this.

_If I had just... told you... that I was an alien... and that you were my familiar... and could you please help me, you would have said yes?_

_Yes!_

He ran.

_Just because I don't agree with you, doesn't mean I'm not listening to you._

He ran.

_I have no reason to trust you. You destroyed that trust a long time ago._

He ran...

_Because you've lied to me, Clark, over and over again._

He stumbled. He fell.

_With everything you had, with everything you could do, did you ever think about what we could have accomplished together?_

Carved up the hard, cold ground as he tumbled, and came to a stop, and screamed.

_I would have helped you..._

He screamed until he ran out of breath and couldn't breathe anymore.

_Clark, please try to see this from my point of view, all right?_

And then he ground his fists into his eyes and started to sob.

Becaue he couldn't. He didn't understand Lex. Nothing he did made any sense.

And it hurt.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Clark was walking home.

He'd made it up into the arctic wastes again before completely losing it -- far and beyond the farthest he'd gone since he'd used the crystal on Lex -- farther than he'd ever intended to go, than he'd even thought he _could_ go...

He was walking, but he could feel himself slip and stagger into and out of superspeed every so often. Every time he felt a tug. It was like something was trying to rip his insides out.

He tried to move slowly on purpose, to prolong it. Because he deserved it.

Lex couldn't feel it yet, anyway, so it was okay to do that. It wouldn't hurt Lex.

_If I had just... told you... that I was an alien... and that you were my familiar... and could you please help me, you would have said yes?_

Clark squeezed his eyes shut and staggered again, grasping his shirt in a clenched fist at his chest.

_If I had just told you..._

He shuddered for a moment, then opened his eyes again and shoved his feet forward, staggering on.

Was it too late now? Lex still didn't know everything yet. Not _everything._ What if Clark told him? Everything?

_Just because I don't agree with you..._

...but that had meant Lex had been listening to him, right? That was what he'd been trying to say... that _must_ have been it, right?

Lex not agreeing was going to hurt like hell, though. The possibility of Lex running away from him... the thought made him see stars and make his brain want to shut down.

\--And that was bad enough. But there was the other part in him, too, that part that he truly feared, what rolled in strong deep currents down at the back of his brain, threatening to rise, that pure red _rage_...

Clark shuddered again.

...the thought of Lex knowing everything and _then_ saying that he'd never be Clark's familiar, that he'd fight him every step of the way...

... _ **rejecting him**_...

\--No. No!

_\--he couldn't. He **couldn't**..._

Clark dug in his heels and strained against the inevitable pull. He nearly blacked out before...

~*~*~*~*~*~

_...wh-- where am i what is this i don't feel so-- i should move-- go-- move-- this way...?..._

~*~*~*~*~*~

Clark came back to himself sometime later, not sure how much time had passed, but his head hurt like hell and thinking was like shoveling mud through a haze and he was... _in Nebraska? That road sign almost looks kind of familiar..._

He shook his head and sat down for a moment, just pulling his legs in and letting himself fall.

He wrapped his arms around his chest, but he lasted only a long second, maybe two. Then he groaned and shoved himself to his feet and began moving again.

 _I'm not going to be able to think clearly again until I'm back on the farm,_ he thought shakily.

And then he was.

Standing above the storm cellar again, and then Clark collapsed for good.

He let out a soft groan as he stared up at the sky, and heard Lex's heartbeat below him, steady and strong, and he ached and hurt and ached because nothing felt right at _all_.

_If I tell him everything now..._

But it was still the same old problem. Lex didn't believe in the Kryptonian 'science' actually being magic. If Lex didn't believe that, he'd never believe the stuff about familiars, because that _was_ a magic thing. A _universal_ magic thing.

If Lex thought it was science, he'd think it was just stupid hormones or something, and that he could fix it. Fix Clark. He'd think Clark had imprinted on him, or something, way-back-when on the day of the meteor shower, the first kid almost his age that he saw. Lex would never believe that he himself was stuck in the same trap Clark was, that he, _Lex_ , would need 'fixing', too.

Because bonds went both ways, or were supposed to -- and this one would be eventually, and a lot sooner now that Clark had used the crystal on Lex...

...Lex would be feeling it soon, if he wasn't already...

Clark sat up abruptly.

_If he wasn't already._

Lex's heartbeat and breathing were steady, and had been for awhile -- must have been. He hadn't felt the pull that Clark had, obviously hadn't been hurt by it, but...

Nothing Lex did made sense.

_If I had just told you... you would have said yes?_

_Yes!_

Lex had answered immediately, without thinking, and he'd meant it. But the look on his face after...

Clark's eyes narrowed.

...when Lex had realized what he'd said, he'd been shocked with himself. And Clark had left before he could say anything else.

But if Clark had stayed, would he have taken it back?

_He feels one thing... and thinks another. --And acts on which?_

That wasn't right. That wasn't right at all.

_Which was it?_

If Clark had been progressing -- if his bond had been getting stronger by proximity, every time that he'd gone to Metropolis those summers, every time he'd gone to the mansion to see Lex...

_...every time Lex had come to see him in the barn..._

\--it should have worked both ways. _Something_ should be there, and something _was_ there. Yes, Clark had used the crystal to command Lex in the Fortress, and now the bond between them was uneven...

_But..._

Lex _should_ have wanted to be around Clark just as much as Clark had wanted to be around Lex, from the start. And he should've acted on it, right from the start. Consistently.

...Except that they'd been separated after the meteor shower and everything had gotten all twisted up.

But...

 _How twisted up had their bond actually gotten?_ Clark had been focusing on the negatives. On what would happen if he couldn't convince Lex to help him, to work with him, to _believe that what was happening was real_ and not something either of them could do anything about except try and deal with before they both went _insane_ from the dissonance. (...or homicidal ...or worse.)

If Lex felt like he should oppose Clark at every opportunity, dig in his heels and fight, and was only having second thoughts about not getting along because Clark was in a position of power over him at the moment, barely holding on to a thin skin of human civility over black hatred, then they were in some serious trouble. Clark knew that if that was what was going on, then he might as well start making plans on how to make sure the League was ready to kill them both now, because it was probably already too late...

Not that it wasn't probably already too late, what with already being separated for more-or-less a decade and then everything else that happened between them. And Zod and BrainIAC pretty much having dedicated their lives to destroying their bond, and them by extension.

But.

If Lex's instincts were to help Clark, and his _thoughts_ were to fight back and dig in his heels stubbornly, _then_...

...

...actually, that still didn't make sense and made Clark's head hurt. Yes, Lex fighting those instincts, those feelings he didn't understand with logic, would mean that the bond between them hadn't become nearly as twisted as Clark had been afraid it might have become already from BrainIAC's interference and remnants of influence from Zod's possession, but...

Well, Lex shouldn't have been able to hold out for so long if that was what was happening. He should've forgiven Clark by now for lying, or at least heard him out. And he really shouldn't be so scarily _angry_.

Not that that wasn't a problem either, with Lex fighting the bond. Because that was literally what he was doing. And the more he did it, the more things would twist, and the worse they would _both_ get. Clark was fully-connected to Lex now, even if Lex wasn't to him... yet... and without that balance it was getting harder and harder for Clark to try and act rationally. And Lex was throwing off that balance, more and more, the longer he kept fighting him.

The very real fear that Lex could and would reject him completely once he really _knew_ what was happening also wasn't helping any.

Because Lex shouldn't have been able to do that. He was Clark's familiar. He shouldn't have _wanted_ to run. And if he didn't want to, then he shouldn't have done it, fought against him in the first place and continued to fight against him even now, because what possible reason could he have for fighting against Clark now? Still? After everything that was going to happen had happened?

It wasn't like Clark had wanted to use the crystal on him, but they both would've died or gone insane if Clark hadn't, because then Lex would've used the Orb on him. And then they both would've died or gone insane. Clark couldn't explain the last part to Lex yet, though, because Lex didn't believe him about Krptonian 'science' really being magic. If he didn't believe in that, then he _definitely_ wouldn't believe his explanation, because that meant believing in the mage-talent-induced Kryptonian- _kei-falloi_ bond -- because it was the bond that would've gotten shredded -- and the lack of it was what would drive them insane and have them killing themselves or each other, if the Kryptonian records on that stuff weren't all a complete and utter lie, and they weren't, Clark was really sure.

But Lex did know that Clark hadn't wanted to do it, to use the crystal on him and force him to follow his commands. And he knew that Clark wouldn't have done it without a really good reason, right?

And it wasn't like Clark _wanted_ to keep Lex chained up and locked away down in the storm cellar, and Lex knew that, too. He knew Clark didn't want to hurt him, and wanted to be able to let him out, if Lex would just let him do it. Because Clark had told him that. Because Lex _had_ been listening. He had _said_ he had been. And it wasn't like Clark wasn't trying to take care of Lex, either, and Lex had to know that, too. Because Lionel...

\--Lex was fighting him by not wanting the chains on, and by not listening to... no, by not _believing_ what Clark told him was true. Because apparently those were two different things for Lex, and maybe had something to do with not trusting him, even though he trusted him, and Clark's head felt like it was rotting from the inside out trying to figure that one out.

Clark hadn't lied to Lex since the Fortress, but that didn't seem to matter to him. He just hadn't told Lex everything yet, because Lex would hate him forever if he thought Clark was trying to control him on purpose, if he didn't understand that it was a magic-thing and nothing either of them could stop or undo or _get rid of_ , and Lex seemed to think that was enough to be really, very angry about.

...Not that Clark wanted to get rid of their bond, or wouldn't have picked Lex as his one and only 'familiar' if he'd _had_ a choice, because he wouldn't _want_ anyone else, couldn't even think of anybody he would want more!

Except that he knew how Lex hated being manipulated or controlled at all by other people and how much this was going to screw up his life, even more than it would any other human being maybe, and he wouldn't want to do that to Lex because that was _horrible_.

\--And if Lex was anything as divided between his head and his heart as Clark was in his wants and his fears, then they were both probably still pretty badly screwed, and _none of this was helping_ , because Clark _still didn't know how to make anything better_. They needed to talk, to be open and _not_ hurt each other, and maybe they'd manage to work something out. Somehow. That wouldn't happen if Lex was fighting him though.

He still didn't understand why Lex was fighting him.

Not that Lex was fighting him every second, and it could be worse. A _lot_ worse. Because if Lex fought back even worse...

\--Except Lex couldn't get away, right? At least Clark didn't have to worry about that. Not while he had Lex chained up in the storm cellar. He couldn't leave Clark right now, couldn't run. No matter how hard he fought.

And then it occurred to Clark that maybe that didn't matter as much as he thought it did.

What was stopping him from opening up to Lex wasn't that Lex was _fighting_ him. What was stopping him was what he was afraid would happen if he told Lex everything he knew about what was happening to them.

Because if Lex unequivocally rejected him, denied him, hated him... well, that wasn't something Clark would be able to talk himself out of believing. Because he knew that once Lex made up his mind...

And faced with that, Clark knew he'd lose his mind. Everything would fall apart.

And then he'd go insane.

And then he'd kill Lex.

...and probably a lot of other people too, from the rage and the pain, before somebody stopped him, because that was what happened when a bond _twisted_ until it **snapped**.

And 'stopping him' would mean killing him, because that wasn't something Kryptonians ever really recovered from. Or " _got over_ ".

_Once Lex makes up his mind..._

...

 _...except he hasn't yet, has he?_ Clark realized, slowly. Because if Lex _had_ , then there was _no way_ he would've blurted out that _Yes!_ he would have helped Clark. Not and meant it. Not and been shocked that he'd said it, out loud, to him.

So, if _that_ were true...

Did that mean that there might still be a chance...?

\--Yes, yes, there _had_ to be. Lex wouldn't have said it like that if there wasn't. 'If' Clark had, then he would have... well, that wasn't anything like 'Because you didn't, I won't...' right? 'If' wasn't nearly so bad as it could be... right? 'If' was just one thing. There could still be other 'if's.

He just had to figure out what those were.

If he told Lex more... could he tell Lex more? What could he tell him? Would it help?

Lex might calm down more if he did, right? Wouldn't that be good enough?

And if it helped, then maybe he could tell Lex more things after that. --No, he _would_. Because if it helped, then it would keep helping, and maybe, eventually, Lex would be calm enough and trust him enough that he'd believe what Clark told him, and then Clark could tell him what he really needed to know, and Lex would listen and not fight him on the _kei-falloi_ stuff.

That would work, right?

Clark shoved himself to his feet, and wavered. He sat down again and raised a hand to his forehead, feeling a little feverish. (He knew that one first-hand, and not because Phantom Zone bugs sucked -- it was because regular-old meteor-rock-mutated human ones did.)

 _Maybe I should stay here for a little while,_ he thought weakly. Besides, if he went down too early, after forcing himself that far away like he had... well, he'd probably not be able to control himself when he got any closer to Lex. he probably wouldn't be able to force himself to get _un-_ close to Lex again for at least a couple hours, and that would _so_ not go over well with Lex right now, he knew. Not even with an explanation, if he'd had one he could share.

Clark tilted over sideways and sprawled out on the grass on his side, green invading his view, and breathed for awhile. _I'll wait until lunch time,_ he told himself. _That's just a couple hours away._ He shouldn't be messing up Lex's routine, or startling him like that -- not if he could help it. Consistency was important right then.

Clark had read a lot of psychology books on forced imprisonment when Lex hadn't gotten out of Belle Reeve right away, after what had happened with Lionel and Edge. So he knew that, technically, he was imprisoning Lex against his will right then, because Lex didn't like being chained down -- even if, as Clark's familiar, he was supposed to never want to leave him -- and that he had to be _really_ careful in what he did and didn't do. He was trying so hard not to be a jailer, but not to be a pushover either. And he definitely didn't want to Stockholm Lex. Forcing him to give in wouldn't work, either -- not that the idea of the possibility that he might need to do _that_ to _Lex_ in any way ~~ever again~~ made Clark want to do anything other than curl up in a ball, or throw up, or both.

Clark knew he was messing everything up, though -- well, he _had_ to be, because it _wasn't working_ , Lex kept _fighting him_ \-- but he was still trying. That had to count for something, right?

...But was that really the best he could do? To only not make things any worse than they already were?

Clark closed his eyes and tried not to think about that too hard.

And his thoughts traveled in circles behind his eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~


End file.
